2023 - The Year Of Healing

If you asked me a year ago today if I thought I would ever be happy again, I would have said no, never in a million years. This time a year ago I was dreading new years and just had to put a brave face on for Christmas so I didn't ruin it for my family. It was the time of year I had been dreading since September. It was my first Christmas not seeing my ex's family, although we still brought presents for each other, it just wasn't the same not waking up in my ex mother in laws house and watching the kids open their presents. My heart was breaking more and more every day. However, my turning point was the second it hit midnight on new years, I had my little cry about things and people I had lost in 2022 but then it was like a switch. I looked around and saw, for the first time in 3/4 months, that I was surrounded by my friends and family and thought to myself that I wouldn't have even got to new years if it wasn't for them and if I could get through the past few months with them then I could get through anything. I remember thinking to myself that I was leaving all the pain and hurt in 2022 and moving on with my life. I spent the first half of the year going out and spending the majority of my time with my friends. I was out clubbing nearly every weekend, always out for a drive in my car, meeting new people and basically just living my final teenage years I never got to experience.

At the end of June, after the first half of the year enjoying my single life, I saw someone while I was out for my friends birthday and he caught my eye. That night, I had to leave a bit early as I was going to London to see Take That the next day. One of the girls we were out with was quite drunk so I asked this person to let me know when our friend got in a taxi to get home so he added me on Facebook. At the time, I wasn't looking for anything, I was enjoying my single life and doing everything I was never able to do, I just thought what have I got to lose? If it goes somewhere it goes somewhere and if it doesn't then it doesn't. However, since that day we haven't stopped talking (and there's no getting rid of him now 😭😂) He now lives with me and everyday we talk about our future together and what we want. We both bring out the weirdness in each other and I couldn't wish for a better person to want to do life with. I truly believe I have stumbled across my soulmate and im never letting him go.

If this year has taught me anything, it's that your past doesn't define you it teaches you. There is still a lot of things I need to learn such as how to accept being loved in a healthy relationship, a few times I have caught myself drifting back into a toxic mindset, thinking the worst of every situation but then I remember that this relationship isn't toxic. I can now recognise when I'm starting to feel low and I instantly get something sorted about it rather than leaving it for months and months and let it get worse. Ash is so amazing and understanding of everything and he's always so patient when it comes to me opening up and telling him how I feel. He really has been an angel and he doesn't even realise how much of a support he's been these last 6 months. He is my best friend and boyfriend in one person.

I cannot say I am fully healed from the trauma of everything that happened last year but I am in a much better place than what I was this time a year ago. I am still working through everything and getting help from professionals and gradually unravelling all of the trauma and unpicking it to then work on how to cope with it. My friends and family have been a massive support this past year and I truly believe if it wasn't for them I wouldn't be here today. I would never have got to see my nephew grow up, experience a healthy relationship and being a step mum to the most adorable, clever and funniest little boy.